A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School
by Neplusultra
Summary: Ranma Secret World of Alex Mack. anyone still remember that show, or is it just me?


Hmmm.....Well I had this kicking around in my head  
and it was giving me a headache. So I just had to  
write it. Sadly I am going to continue this...and I  
really wanted to finish something first too...damn.  
  
  
  
Hello, my name is Ranma Saotome. Up until yesterday  
I was just another ordinary kid. Well...I'm not so ordinary  
anymore. Let me tell you about it.  
  
  
The Secret World of Ranma Saotome.  
(an evil Ranma/Alex Mack X-over)  
(please note that none of these  
characters are mine, and all are  
the property of other people.)  
  
  
Chapter 1: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home From School...  
  
  
"Ranma, Yumi," Nodoka called from the downstairs, "it's  
time for you to wake up. Your breakfast is ready and  
you don't want to be late for school do you?"  
  
Ranma just lay in bead with his eyes closed and threw  
a pillow over his head. "Mom, do I have to go to school  
today." He whined, "I don't want to start high school."  
  
Yumi poked her head in the door. Her serious face seemed  
anathema to him, the bane of his existence. "Come on Ranma  
you could at least set your alarm clock in the morning, then  
mom wouldn't have to wake you up every morning. You should  
take your school more seriously too, I mean really. Doing all  
that martial arts with your friends isn't going to get you  
anywhere in life. I mean it isn't really a profitable skill."  
  
"Just go away Yumi. You know I would be up early if dad  
was here too don't you. We'd be practicing outside already."  
  
"Yes I know you would, but at least martial arts aren't  
his whole life, he did major in chemistry you know. Now get  
up already."  
  
"Fine, it's not as if I could go back to bed now anyway  
after this. Now get out of my room so I can change." It  
wasn't fair. All his life it was 'why can't you be more  
like your older sister Yumi'. Well he wasn't her, and  
he never could be like that stuck up little miss perfect.  
  
Finished dressing, in some jeans and a black t-shirt,  
Ranma walked slowly downstairs for breakfast. He was  
greeted at the table with an expansive array of foods;  
eggs, bacon, cereal, sausages, omelets, and a disapproving  
look from his mother. "Mom! We'll never be able to  
eat all this. What were you thinking."  
  
Ignoring her son, as usual he thought darkly, Nodoka  
clucked disapprovingly. "You aren't going to wear that  
to school are you young man? What are your teachers  
going to think?"  
  
"What else am I supposed to wear mom? It's not like  
I have anything nice to wear, is it? And besides if I  
did dress up everyone would laugh at me."  
  
"It's not my fault you have nothing to wear. I do  
let you pick out your own clothes you know. And why  
would everyone laugh at you? You already know everyone  
from last year don't you? So why would they laugh."  
  
Sitting down with a disgusted sigh Ranma began to  
eat. "You just don't get it mom, do you?" he muttered  
around one mouthful.  
  
"No I guess I don't. And stop speaking with your  
mouth full."  
  
Ranma looked over at his sister, and was rewarded  
with an amused smile. She was wearing a dress, and,  
by his mothers measure looked quite presentable.  
Though she definitely wasn't in fashion. Though she  
didn't need to worry about making any kind of impression.  
She was the smartest person in school.  
  
The rest of the meal meal passed in silence. As Ranma  
finished his mother looked up, rather cheerily, and suggested,  
"Ranma, dear, why don't you go and put on that nice  
orange shirt with the bow-tie."  
  
Ranma tried to suppress his automatic reaction, which  
was to gag. "Mom, I'm not going to wear that, it makes  
me look gay."  
  
"But it fits doesn't it? And besides your aunt was  
nice enough to get it for your birthday. At least try  
it on would you." Despite her cheery voice he could  
hear the polite command it held, and decided it was better  
for all concerned to just go try it on.  
  
When Ranma opened his closet he shuddered as he took  
down the clothes. Aunts, he decided, have little to no  
taste. Ranma reluctantly put the shirt on over his  
present one, with the full intention of taking it off  
as soon as was humanly possible.  
  
When he went back downstairs again his mother smiled  
and said, "Now, there, that isn't so bad is it? I think  
you look nice." Ranma expanded his previous thoughts on  
taste to include mothers. Meanwhile his sister was  
having trouble not falling out of her chair with suppressed  
laughter.  
  
Ranma decided it was definitely time to get out of the  
house. "Mom, I gotta go to school. I promised I'd stop  
by and pick up Ryouga, and I don't want to be late."  
  
"All right dear, just be careful, and," she held out  
a bag to him, "don't forget your lunch."  
  
Ranma left the house with all the speed he could muster,  
and as soon as he rounded the corner of the block stripped  
the monstrous shirt off and stuffed it in his gym bag.  
Ryouga's house was only a couple of streets down, and  
conveniently placed right in front of the bus parents took  
to work stopped. The whole family had the damnedest ability  
to get lost. Ryouga was sitting on the front steps waiting,  
as usual. "Hey, Ryouga, buddy. How ya doin? You finally  
got that kick down? Or is it still dropping you on your  
ass every time you try it?"  
  
Ryouga looked at Ranma with an evil glint in his eye.  
"Want to come and find out Ranma?"  
  
"Well we have fifteen minutes before school, so we  
have time for a little match."  
  
Placing their empty bookbags on the small porch, Ranma  
and Ryouga faced each other in fighting stances. Ryouga  
moved first, his fist slamming into the hastily raised  
block, to which Ranma countered with a short jab to the  
midsection, which was, in turn blocked by Ryouga. The  
match quickly became a tangle of fists and feet. One  
could tell that the two were quite evenly matched. The  
fight went on for about five minutes without either scoring  
a hit. That is until Ryouga took a short leap into the  
air and kicked Ranma numerous times before landing.  
  
Ranma was knocked back into a waiting bush, which, doing  
no real damage to him, definitely did some damage to his  
nice, black, shirt. "Damn! Good match Ryouga. Finally  
got that kick to work?"  
  
Walking over to him Ryouga helped him up. "Yeah. Took  
me a couple of weeks though. Oh man Ranma. We're going  
to be late, you gotta change your shirt."  
  
"Huh? Why do I gotta do that?"  
  
"Because, idiot, it's ripped pretty badly in the back."  
  
"Oh man. I can't go home now, my mom thinks I'm  
wearing another shirt. I took it off on my way here."  
  
"Well then genius, put it on and let's get going."  
  
Several minutes later, after much combined laughing  
and cursing they did set out to school. And, as was  
normal for the pair, they slid into their homeroom  
just before the late bell.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Much to Ranma's dismay he had been right about the  
ridicule for his shirt today. Everyone made fun of  
him, especially that stuck up prick of a sophomore,  
Tatewaki(sp) Kuno. Ohhh he wanted to pound that  
bastards face in so badly, but he knew he wasn't  
good enough to do that...yet anyway. He did however  
have the satisfaction of pounding a couple of his  
friends though, Hiroshi and Daisuke(sp). They were  
nice guys, really they were, but they were just so  
easy to beat up.  
  
Unfortunately his antics over clothing earned him  
a detention, and on the first day of school no less.  
His parents weren't going to be very happy about that,  
just one more thing he wasn't as good as his sister in.  
  
To make the wretched day even worse, when he got  
out of detention, and went to take Ryouga home, he  
had already tried to leave. God, Ryouga would be  
absent from school for days.  
  
Despondent, Ranma started walking home, taking the  
back way around Ryouga's house. Absorbed in thought  
he stopped paying attention to where he was going, and  
what was going on around him. So as he started to  
cross a street, he never noticed the truck, owned by  
Jusenkyo Chemicals, barreling towards him. He never  
noticed it, that is until it swerved sharply around him  
and hit a telephone pole. Unfortunately for Ranma, who  
was, now, right behind the truck. It's back doors swung  
open letting a barrel land on the sidewalk in front of  
him.  
  
The next few moments would forever be engraved into  
Ranma's memory. As the barrel hit the ground the top  
somehow came off, spraying Ranma with almost the entire  
contents, which appeared to be water. At the same time  
as the 'water' hit Ranma, he felt a disturbingly strong  
tug throughout his body. Scared nearly half to death  
Ranma failed to notice the results of the chemical, and  
ran home quickly in fear of getting in any more trouble  
than he already was.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Genma Saotome liked his job. It wasn't his dream job,  
of course, that would have been to be a instructor in a  
dojo somewhere. But that would never have been able to  
support him and his family. Though that didn't mean that  
he wouldn't teach his son the art. No, this was a much  
better job, it paid well being an engineer at Jusenkyo  
Chemicals.  
  
The one thing he didn't understand was his current  
project. For the past few months he had been away from  
his family working with the American Branch on a really  
strange assignment. Director Haposai had personally  
requested that he and oversee it's development. Genma's  
one big question was why would anyone want to create a  
chemical that could alter a creatures DNA, specifically  
alter the DNA in such a way as to change the test subject's  
sex.  
  
Well the project had been a success. Though it was  
still a trifle unstable, he was sure his staff here in  
the main branch could fix those problems. Well now that  
he was home he needed to report to Haposai, and then he  
needed to see his family. Genma arrived at the double  
doors that marked Director Haposai's office, looking  
over at the secretary she nodded his entrance to him.  
  
Haposai's office was, to put it mildly, eccentric.  
Even though the filthy rich were generally allowed their  
eccentricities(sp?) he took it to a new level. The room  
vaguely reminded Genma of a training hall, except for the  
fact that the walls were almost covered in women's undergarments,  
the walls as well as a goodly portion of the floor. The  
director was, at the moment, not behind the desk, as many  
would expect. No he was off in one corner fondling some  
of his...collection. Genma, not really wanting to intrude  
cleared his throat politely, causing the little old man  
to pause and look up.  
  
"Ahhh, Genma my boy. How are you? Your little trip went  
well I hope?"  
  
"Didn't you read my reports sir?"  
  
"Yes, yes of course I did. I just feel like hearing it  
from you in person."  
  
"Well sir, the tests have led us to believe that formula  
NY-31 will work as you have ordered sir. However I do need  
to say that while positive results have been taken, the  
chemical is still rather unstable and there may be unknown  
side effects."  
  
"Good, good. You did well my boy."  
  
"Sir, may I ask a question?"  
  
"Of course, of course Genma. Go right ahead."  
  
"Well sir, I just have one question. Why? I mean why  
the chemical to change sex in the first place, and then  
on top of that why the rest?"  
  
"Genma my boy the answer to that is simple. How else am  
I going to be able to get a date at this age."  
  
As Genma turned his back to leave, faintly disgusted with  
his boss, the wretch spoke up one more time. "Genma my boy,  
I understand that you are quite good in martial arts."  
  
"I wouldn't say that I was quite that good sir, but I am  
by no means a pushover sir."  
  
"Well then boy, how about a little match."  
  
For some reason Genma's spine turned to ice...  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Ranma had run all the way home, and much to his surprise, he  
wasn't even winded. Even though he must have been running for  
at least four miles. Still fairly shaken up, he had calmed down  
enough to notice that he felt a little different than usual,  
but he pushed that thought aside as he noted with relief that  
neither his mother, or his father, who was scheduled to come  
home today, were back yet.  
  
Opening the door he thought he might as well check to see  
if they were back, just in case. "Mom! Dad! Anyone home?"  
That was when he noticed it, he didn't sound like him anymore.  
He sounded more....like a...girl. Hands shaking terribly  
he looked down at himself. And to his horror he saw...breasts.  
He then did the only sensible thing one could do in such a  
situation. He fainted.  
  
Thankfully for him he was only out for a few seconds.  
When he came to he forced himself calm, replaying the  
recent events in his memory. He realized that it must  
have been more than just water in that barrel that had  
splashed all over him, it was probably some sort of chemical.  
He had to get it off!  
  
Running upstairs was accomplished much faster than the  
normal laws of physics should allow, but seeing as Ranma  
took the stairs in groups of ten at a time physics made  
an exception. Ranma ran into the bathroom and almost tore  
his clothes from his body, and immediately started scrubbing  
himself down with soap and cold water as he filled the furo.  
The scrubbing part took slightly longer than he had would have  
wanted. Mostly this was due to the fact that he was not quite  
used to being a girl, not at all. [Though,] he thought looking  
sideways into a mirror, [I'm not a bad looking specimen am  
I?] He looked at himself admiringly for a few seconds before  
coming back to himself. [What the fuck am I doing? Snap  
our of it Ranma!] Finally finished cleaning off he stepped  
into the furo and felt another strong tug throughout his body  
and he was back to normal. Breathing a sigh of relief he  
muttered quietly, "Thank god!"  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
"Ranma! Yumi! I'm home!" Ranma started fully awake  
from the comfortable doze he had been in lying in the lukewarm  
water of the furo. Was that...dad? Thank god, finally someone  
who I can fight, and'll put up a good fight other than Ryouga.  
  
Quickly drying off and getting dressed Ranma proceeded to  
bound down the stairs to greet his dad. "Dad, you're home!  
How was the trip?"  
  
Gathering his son into a somewhat reluctant hug Genma smiled.  
"The trip went fine boy, though most of it I was working. You know  
that." He looked down at his son appraisingly and grimaced, "Have  
you grown again boy? And what, by all the gods is that shirt you're  
wearing!"  
  
Ranma grimaced and plucked at his shirt disapprovingly, "You mean  
this? It was a birthday present from Aunt ____."  
  
This time it was Genma's turn to grimace, "Well that explains  
it boy. I never did really like that woman, and she has absolutely  
the worst taste in clothing. But what in the world were you doing  
wearing the blasted thing?"  
  
Ranma looked at his feet, "Well I was going to wear something else,  
but mom told me to wear this."  
  
"And you didn't try to switch clothes after you left the house boy?  
I'm ashamed of you."  
  
Ranma grinned at that, "Well dad, I tried that, but the other shirt was  
torn when I had my morning fight with Ryouga."  
  
Genma looked pensive for a moment, "Really? Well, where is your  
mother and sister Ranma?"  
  
"I don't know dad, they aren't home yet. They probably went out to  
get Yumi her school supplies."  
  
Genma's eyes gleamed brightly, "Well then boy, get out of that  
ridiculous shirt and meet me in the backyard. I want to see if you've  
gotten any better." At that he cracked his knuckles menacingly.  
  
Ranma's smile nearly split his face in two. For the first time today  
he actually felt good, and the problems from earlier were completely  
forgotten. He turned to go upstairs and changed, but then he paused  
and called out over his shoulder to his dad, "I can take you any day  
old man!"  
  
Genma smiled at his disappearing son. No matter how bad his day  
Ranma's enthusiasm in martial arts never ceased to brighten it. Idly  
he wondered what things might have turned out like if he had opened  
up that dojo along with Tendo all those years ago. How was that man  
doing anyway...  
  
  
  
Ok, um this didn't go to any prereaders first, so I must apologize for  
any grievous errors you find in there. And people I swear I am writing  
next chapters for stuff. I'm almost done with The Ranmariad chapter 8.  
Isn't that nice? The next chapter of this will be completed...when  
the mood strikes me(hopefully after I get some things finished.) 


End file.
